Getting better

So today is not so bad from yesterday. I thought that there's gonna be a damage inflicted from yesterday convo ( or is it two days ago?) and it does.

Got a bit of anxious / panic attack when I was on the pool earlier this day. Message mint about it and it helps. Not directly but indirectly. It somehow put a seed in my mind. That seed plus the experience of the textile godfather helps me back on my feet.

I feel irritated about how she can out of nowhere accuse me. I even curse her and I understand why. I did well but then she out of nowhere accuse me. But that's a red flag in itself. As if she waits me to make a mistake, and therefore she could be free of it.

But turns out it freed me.

Of course it will still have residue in it. I guess it will be for several weeks. After all I have plenty of things to do.

There's work, there's W, there's also the larger scale of things such as this world. Solving problems in this world.

Which makes me think of what I want to do now that I have plenty of time.

I want to transform myself that's one thing. But I need to clear it up. What kind of transformation?

Body transformation would be one I guess? Not the kind of six pack one, more like the gym and boxing routine plus swimming of course. For now, maybe just enjoy whatever you got now. You got time, you got a bit of capital. That's good thing no?

Let go of everything. Your mother, your ex, people expectation of you. The expectation of getting marriage at this point age and having house at that age. Also your expectation of everyone else too. Your digital friends. Those who you know for so long. Everyone.

This kekian is THE BEST. I didn’t know kekian sliced and fried is this good. My God.

In order for things to change you need to change your identity. Completely.

What's that quote from Maria Rielke or something? Embrace everything.

Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final

• Rainer Maria Rilke