Burn yourself

These are the reminders that was made when you are unstable -- from the perspective of the world.

Stable means having a stable job, stable relationship, and stable life.

You are unstable. A conventional job does not suits you well because you can not adhere to the rules, be it written or unspoken rules of how one should interact, and do in a workplace.

You can not, and don't want, to be part of the workplace and become one with the dust.

So you would think the other way would be build something. And ehen you do, you face a harsh reality that noone truly gonna support you on your business. Many will say they believe, but none will actually put the support needed to make it. You will ask help, from the larger circle to the small cir le and you will found that nobody actually helps you. They will say they do, but words mean nothing.

Which left you feel alone and lonely. Working for others disappoint you. Building your business also disappoint you. You want to find a companionship and you can't found it in work. This enrages you.

Feel that heart ache deep down.

You switch to relationship. At least when the creation can not be achieved, you try to find a safe harbor in others. A feel of companionship again. A feel of you're not alone in all this pain.

Only to found that you really also alone.

Friends have their own thing. Relationship has boundaries. When you are in your bottom, people expect you to recover first before you engage with them. You will feel that you're bleeding, dying, and yet nobody want to helps you. And then they will say that they want to help you, but in their own way -- which won't help you. You will feel confused and disoriented, not knowing which is true and which is not.

You try to pour your energy into the world of creation, to help others. And yet you found nobody cares.

You then try to ask your best for the people around you to help you. And yet you found nobody truly cares.

All those energy. Denied both on R and circles.

Release the rage inside of you. Having all the rage when others don't care of you, will only hurt yourself. And while the idea of gone is tempting, it won't produce anything.

You don't need to kill yourself. You are already dead.